Struggimento
by Srinalyn
Summary: {Spamano} Lovino Vargas is always being compared to his younger, happy-go-lucky brother, Feliciano. This drives him into depression and nearly off the edge, until he meets Antonio. Intrigued by the man's carefree attitude, Lovino befriends the man, and starts to realize he's developing feelings for him. But he knows it's wrong. A man can't love another man, can he?
1. Chapter 1

The moon was casting a light silver glow across everything, leaving a beautiful sift glow on everything. But despite the beautiful scenery, the mood was much darker. Lovino wasn't ready. He really didn't want to walk through that door. He would be yelled at by his grandfather for getting a detention again. He would be compared to his brother, like always.

Last week it was that he had refused to do something. It was a small thing, not worth arguing over, but it had been taken to far.

"Maybe for once you should make Feli wash the dishes. He never does any work!" Lovino had commented with a snarky tone.

"Look at Feli." The young man turned his head to his brother in disgust. Feliciano was lying on the couch, napping, stomach full of pasta. "He's to stuffed to work."

"And you don't think I'm stuffed to?" Lovino growled, turning back to his grandfather.

"That's not the point. I asked you to do it."

This time, Lovino had stayed out too late. He had been at school, in detention again due to his attitude. He had snapped at one of his professors when he got a bad score.

"This can't be my grade!" Lovino snapped. The teacher looked annoyed, but used to this. Lovino was a problem child. That's what he was known as. Everyone thought he had an attitude problem. Both teachers and students.

"Yes Lovino, that's your score." the teacher answered slowly. Lovino stood in a rage, face red, and yelled.

"Obviously you just didn't teach it well enough, bastard!"

This landed Lovino in detention automatically. And when it was time for him to leave, his Grandfather didn't come to pick him up, so he had to walk all the way home. When he got home, he sat for a bit outside, enjoying the peacefulness.

When he finally gathered the courage to go inside, he took a deep breath, and turned the doorknob.

"Lovino! Where were you? You're missing dinner!" Roma's frustrated voice rang out.

"Detention. You knew that! The school called you and told you to pick me up! I had to walk thanks to you!"

"Mio Dio! Lovino, why can't you be like your brother?" phrases like these were common in the Vargas household. It wasn't like their grandfather hated Lovino, though thats what Lovino thought, they did have good times together... sometimes. It was just that he always have Lovino the work, while paying attention to Feli.

Grandpa Roma looked down at his eldest grandson, a look of disappointment on his face. "Have Feli be your role model. Just look at him!" he motioned across the room to the younger Italian, who was sitting happily with a bowl of pasta, the ever present smile resting upon his lips and the curl on his head bouncing in joy.

Lovino scowled at his younger brother. Why did Grandpa Roma have to love him so much? Why did Grandpa Roma hate him? What did he do wrong? He turned his attention back to Grandpa. "Why don't you try to be happy sometimes." the harsh feeling of his grandfather's words struck him like a blow to the face. He felt tears well in his eyes, but instead of letting them fall, he turned away and stormed to his room.

'When we were born,' Lovino thought, 'Roma probably decided which one of us he would spoil, and which one would have to work. I guess I'm just the lucky one who gets no praise at all.' Lovino let the tears fall, and like every other night, he cried him self to sleep, barely any food in his stomach at all, as he listened to Grandpa Roma and Feli laughing downstairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Lovino's eyes fluttered open, as he was met by the sight of the plain ceiling above him. He hadn't slept for long, it had only been, at most, 2 hours. Most nights he had gotten the same, if not less, sleep and his body was screaming at him to stay in bed and sleep for days to recover from Lovino's terrible sleep habits. Lovino knew this wasn't possible, as he needed to go to school that day, despite how much he despised that fact. So, he practically dragged himself out of bed, slipping out of the same clothes he had been wearing yesterday, and changing into fresh ones.

Lovino made his way down past Feli's room, and down the steps, met with the smell of Grandpa Roma cooking breakfast. Feliciano was already sat at the table, happily digging into the food in front of him. Roma looked up and towards Lovino, seeing his disheveled look and the bags under his eyes. Lovino was just waiting for him to say what he thought was coming.

"Lovino, you should go to sleep early if you end up this tired in the morning. Especially as you've woken up rather late! Feli woke up almost an hour ago, and he doesn't look tired at all!"

There it was. God, Lovino was absolutely sick of all the comparing Roma did. Feli this, Feli that. Why couldn't he just see that maybe the reason Lovino looked like he did was because Lovino was always told to be more like his brother?

Lovino didn't directly respond to the remark, rather, he muttered a few curses under his breath. Roma did catch these, and gave Lovino a disapproving glare. Not that Lovino much cared, he was used to this.

As Roma motioned for him to sit down and have a bite to eat, Lovino shook his head, running a hand through his unruly hair.

"I'm not hungry. I'll just grab something at the school."

"Nonsense, sit down and eat." Roma smiled at Lovino, but he could tell that everything would work out much better if he listened and took a seat.

He reluctantly sat down next to Feliciano, and Grandpa Roma set down a plate of food in front of him. Lovino let out a sigh as he picked up his fork and began to eat. As he glance Feliciano's way, he saw his brother looking right back.

"Fratello~ You don't look so good, you should try to get more sleep!" There Feliciano was, being kind to Lovino as always. Yet, Lovino didn't like this. It reminded him of another difference between him and his brother that he constantly got told of. How sweet and kind Feliciano always was, versus his own harsh manner of speaking, and how rude he often was to people. He never really hated anyone when he acted rudely toward them, it was just an impulse, a sudden reaction when someone talked or acted in a way toward him that sparked anger in Lovino. This was what caused him so much trouble, and one of his flaws that Roma seemed to know how to pinpoint so well.

Lovino tried his best to respond in a nice way toward his brother, he did know he meant well, "I don't need much sleep to function, so don't pry into it." It came out harsher than he had intended, and he was worried he was too rude toward Feli, as he often ended up being.

But Feliciano just cast another worried look at him, before going back to the food in front of him, finishing up his plate.

* * *

The familiar ringing of the dismissal bell rang through the school, signifying the end of the school day. Lovino had managed to get through the day without getting himself another detention, much to his own surprise. At least this way, he wouldn't need to walk home, he would be picked up by Grandpa Roma along with Feliciano, as he was on the days he wasn't left at detention. However, he didn't much like that idea. For that day at least, he would take being alone someplace over being at home in a heartbeat. There were places he could walk to, allowing him at least some time alone that day. To Lovino, that seemed to be the best course of action. He'd just need to tell Grandpa Roma about it, then be on his way.

He left the classroom, and made his way through the cramped hallway, bag slung over his shoulder. As he arrived outside the front doors, he was immediately met with Feliciano, waving at him and calling for him to come down to the car so they could leave. Lovino gave a slight wave back, walking over to Feli and the car. When Feliciano motioned for him to get in the passenger seat, Lovino shook his head, and turned his gaze to Grandpa Roma.

"I'm going out to the park for an hour or two. Just take Feliciano home, and I'll walk home sometime later."

Roma shook his head, "Just come home Lovino, you can be home at a normal time for once."

"I said I'm going to the park damn it! Just let me make this decision." He was already irritated, and wanted to be left alone. His drowsiness may have had something to do with it, Lovino was even more irritable when tired after all.

Before Roma could respond, Lovino stormed off, and was gone from view due to the still immense amount of students standing, either waiting to be picked up, or just chatting. He went around, going in the general direction of the nearby park. He wanted time to himself, to think, and though he was relatively sure his family wouldn't go looking for him there, he was worried about other teens being there. All he could do was hope nobody would bother him.

* * *

He finally arrived there, tossing his bag onto a bench before placing himself next to it. Luckily for him there weren't very many people there, and he was left to his thoughts. His thoughts weren't always the best company, but it was all he could stand at that moment. He'd just sit there for a while, and enjoy the time he had alone, in a relatively peaceful atmosphere. That was his plan, and he did think it was a damn good plan. Though, he was awfully tired, and the bench wasn't exactly uncomfortable. It would be okay is he dozed off for just a little bit, wouldn't it? Lovino thought so, and he acted on his thoughts, finding himself fast asleep in a matter of minutes.

* * *

His eyes shot open as he felt someone's hand shake his shoulder. They were met with bright green ones, belonging to whoever just woke him. Lovino immediately hit away the stranger's hand, and said stranger took a step back as Lovino tumbled off the bench onto the ground, as he had moved too widely, forgetting where he was for a moment

He shook his head, completely waking himself up, but not bothering to get up. "Leave me be, bastard! I don't know who you are, and I don't like the fact that you woke me up!" His hypothetical defensive shield went up, as he didn't want some stranger interacting with him.

"I just wanted to wake you so you wouldn't end up staying there overnight, it is getting rather dark!", the stranger gave a smile before continuing, "And it's true you don't know who I am so... hola! My name is Antonio, it is nice to meet you!" As he spoke, he held out his hand as a gesture to help Lovino up.

Lovino just stared with a dazed look on his face, still registering what was happening.

Just who the hell was this 'Antonio'?


	3. Chapter 3

Surprise, I'm not dead! Sorry my updates are so sporadic, I'll get my shit together eventually.

* * *

Still staring at Antonio, Lovino slowly registered the other boy's hand being held out to him.

He scowled, ignoring the hand and standing up by himself, albeit a bit clumsily. Brushing the dust off his clothes, he faced Antonio, making an effort to deepen his scowl. Antonio still held the same smile on his face, seemingly unfazed by Lovino's rejection of his help.

After a bit of thought, Lovino did decide to be polite. Well, maybe not polite, but at least he decided to be a little bit less of an asshole than he had been throughout the encounter. Sticking his hands in his pocket, he let out a sigh.

"Name's Lovino."

Antonio's smile grew, and he clearly ignored the fact that the introduction was cold, and he wasn't even offered a 'nice to meet you too'. Perhaps he was truly terrible at reading the mood, or emotions behind a sentence. There was also the possibility he had realized Lovino was just an aggressive person, and took the fact that Lovino had introduced himself at all as a sign he was going about this the right was. Lovino chose to believe the former.

After a few moments of silence, with Lovino shuffling his feet, he decided to speak again.

"You from around here?"

Antonio nodded, and revealed way too much information (translation: Lovino didn't want to listen to his voice for more than a few words) as he spoke, "Si! I go to the high school riiight over there!" He pointed to a building just across the street from the park. "Though, what about you? I think I'd know if such a foul-mouthed person went to my high school, and you certainly don't."

Lovino rolled his eyes, "Foul-mouthed my ass. Whatever. I go to the high school in the other district."

Antonio's eyes lit up, "Oh, you go to the same school as a good friend of mine. Would you happen to know a certain Gilbert Beilschmidt?"

Lovino groaned, rubbing his temple, "Oh, I know him, alright. Bastard can never keep his mouth shut. Takes everything in me to stop myself from strangling him half the time."

It occurred to Lovino while he spoke that he wasn't sure what he was doing. Yes, he knew he was currently stood in a park, talking to someone named Antonio, but he wasn't sure _why_. There was also the ever looming fact that the sky was dark and he had no doubt Roma would have some harsh words for him if he didn't get home right away. He muttered curses to himself, checking the time on his phone while Anton responded to his remark about Gilbert.

Antonio stopped mid-sentence, as he heard Lovino's swearing and took out his own phone to check on the time.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I must have kept you too long! We both should probably head home. I'll see you around, no?" He grinned again, looking at Lovino.

Lovino scoffed. It was pretty clear they would not be seeing each other again, as they went to different schools, and were hardly friends. Besides, Lovino wasn't sure how much of Antonio's happy-go-lucky demeanor he would be able to handle. Regardless, he gave a stiff nod, before turning on his heel and making his way back home.

The evening air was cool, and Lovino enjoyed feeling it against his skin as he walked. Lovino held a lot of anger inside him, and the coolness of the air managed to rid him of just a little bit of it, calming him down. Of course, being angry and irritable was just part of who he was at this point, so no wind could rid him of all of it. Regardless, cool evening walks were something Lovino considered making a part of his life. Unfortunately, the moment of calm could only last so long as Lovino found himself stood in front of his house.

Mumbling to himself, he sighed before opening the door and stepping inside. He kicked his shoes off, running his hands through his hair. He noted how greasy it felt, and made a mental note to jump in the shower the next morning. He walked into the kitchen, after dropping his bookbag next to his shoes, to be greeted by the sight of Feli and Grandpa Roma cleaning up, presumably after they had eaten dinner. The two heads turned as he entered, and he watched as Roma fully turned around to look at him. He expected a lecture, something from his grandpa's mouth that spoke of disappointment and how he should be more like his brother, yet received nothing of the sort.

"Lovi, would you mind helping your brother with cleaning up? I'm rather tired today, and am heading to sleep."

Lovino stood still for a moment, before slowly nodded, confusion clouding his thoughts. He looked at Feliciano, who only shrugged and smiled at him. Damn, Lovino wished he could smile as easy as his brother could.

"Lovi, you should've came home sooner!" Feli glanced at him as he swiped a washcloth across the countertop, ridding it of any crumbs that might've been there.

"I fell asleep. Might've slept there overnight too, but some bastard woke me up." He thoughts flew back to Antonio, and he scowled. "Though I do guess I'm kind of grateful for that."

Feli nodded as he moved his attention to the leftover pasta from dinner. He tilted the bowl toward Lovino, as a form of asking if he was going to eat anything, but Lovino shook his head, allowing his brother to put everything away where it belonged.

Glancing around, they made sure everything was cleaned up, before they both left the room, shutting off the lights. They both seemed to have the same idea in mind, as they made their way up to their separate bedrooms, doors shutting simultaneously. Lovino practically threw himself onto his bed, relishing the feeling of his blankets under him. The park bench was nothing compared to his bed. Not bothering with changing out of his clothes, he tossed a blanket over himself, and made it his goal to fall asleep. He was surprisingly tired despite his long nap in the park. He wasn't complaining though, he's lost a lot of sleep over the last week, and hoped this would catch him up.

Just as he began to drift out of consciousness, he thoughts once again filled with Antonio. Annoying? Absolutely, in Lovino's book. Though, his breathing slowly evened out as he fully fell asleep, as thoughts of Antonio couldn't stop the exhaustion from taking over.


End file.
